Maybe writing a newsletter will help?

Hi friends,

I’ve decided to take advantage of my beehiiv account and start writing a newsletter. I am not yet sure of how consistently I will write, but I hope to send an email at least once every other week, if not every week.

I am very fatigued from social media, so this is an attempt to focus more on little things throughout my week, share what’s happening in my life, and put words to thoughts that often times get bottled up in my head.

When journaling privately, I get up in my head that I need to write a certain way or sound a certain way, which is stupid because no one (including myself) is ever going to read what I write. The quote above is a nice reminder to stop fearing little things like this. I want to write for writing’s sake, and to get my thoughts out of my head, and just use this as a means to replace what social media was supposed to be.

A throwback. I’ve always loved Anberlin.

I just finished my first book of the year, and it was such a good one to start with. Jennette McCurdy’s I’m Glad My Mom Died was a hard, relatable, and raw book. I related to her story in a few small ways, specifically how she lived and maneuvered a life with a severely narcissistic mother, and started healing as an adult.

I highly suggest giving it a read. I am excited to read her next book, Half His Age, soon.

You can find her book on Thriftbooks.com

I tried to start a new book recommended to me by my best friend, called Dungeon Crawler Carl by Matt Dinniman, but my dumb ass bought the Italian version on my Kobo. It turns out they do not have the English version on the Kobo store, so I will download it “elsewhere” and import it.

Instead, I started reading Against The Machine: On The Unmaking Of Humanity by Paul Kingsnorth, “a wholly original--and terrifying--account of the technological-cultural matrix enveloping all of us. With masterful insight into the spiritual and economic roots of techno-capitalism”. I was sold on the title and description, as I often want to see it all burn down and have a deep sense of malaise about the world, which is a word I just learned the definition of in said book and perfectly describes how I feel.

I’ll keep you updated on how the book progresses, as I am only 39 pages in.

These Warped Cortos 4.5 x 46 Box Press sticks are life-giving and a perfect 45 min smoke and are my smoke of the week.

I went for my yearly physical/wellness appt and my primary care doctor is trying to charge me for an additional office visit ($230) on top of my yearly wellness check/physical. My yearly checkup is covered by my insurance, and this is my fourth year with this doctor. My appointment went much the same as it always has. We discussed anything that I had previously brought up in past appointments, we discussed how my meds were, and had a quick check-in on mental health. Somewhere along those fucking lines, something we talked about was “outside” of what constitutes a yearly wellness checkup. P.S. It was about me switching my anxiety meds.

I asked for their outline of what I was “allowed” to talk about, and I shit you not, this is the third bullet point:

“If a problem or symptom is addressed, it is not included whether your provider asked about it or you brought it to their attention. There will be a separate co-pay charge, and you may owe a copay or deductible.“

So you mean to tell me, I pay upwards of $150 a month for insurance, and I go for my one free visit a year, and I can now be charged because my doctor asked if meds were alright and I mentioned wanting to switch due to weight gain (new problem, I guess)….AT A YEARLY WELLNESS CHECK? My brothers, sisters, and friends in christ, I hope this whole fucking system is razed to the ground. Now I have to find a new doctor purely on principle.

I feel better now that I got that out. Thank you.

Thanks for reading, and of course, no pressure to stay subscribed :)